


Learn to Stand

by amayakumiko, robinasnyder



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-15 10:19:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1301341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amayakumiko/pseuds/amayakumiko, https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinasnyder/pseuds/robinasnyder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki was normally very excited to go to a good party, courtesy of Bacchus, god of parties. He was excited until he saw one of his little brothers, the brothers he pretended not to have, drugged to the gills on one of Aphrodite's lust potions. Well, he can't just leave him there, can he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bacchus really knew how to throw a party. It was his thing, afterall. He always provided for well all his guests including a lot of wine and different meats and sweet things for their tricksters. This time Aphrodite had brought the entertainment. Bacchus liked an orgy as much as the next guy, but messing with angels seemed like a bad idea.

Oh well.

"Loki! My friend, you've come. It's so hard to get us all together nowadays," Bacchus called in his loud booming voice, made to carry over the din of thousands of voices, like this very occasions.

They'd pulled off a huge convention in the woods, tents erected for their best guests. People were still gather, but the normal chaos of the party was already in motion. Loki, one of the best party goers Bacchus had ever known already had a tent set up before he'd arrived or rsvped. He never missed one of Bacchus’s soirees. 

“Like I would miss one of these for the world,” Loki said with a laugh, clapping his hand on Bacchus’s back.

Bacchus swung his arm over Loki's shoulder and led him around, showing off the ever flowing wine and the buffet. Loki’s eyes trailed to the huge cake already in place. Bacchus basically kept a table of sweets just for Loki, the king sweet tooth of them all.

"Hello Loki,” Aphrodite said in her most lilting voice. She was dressed beautifully as always to compliment her olive skin. She kissed each of Loki’s cheeks and he did the same for her. “You should come get a taste while the body's still good," she continued, motioning to her contribution. It was the angel she'd snatched, wearing a human body that was probably in his twenties, blond with a sweet face and blue eyes. He was riding a god hard, the way angels didn't do.

"I gave him one of my little drinks. He's been quite lusty since then." meaning she slipped him a lust drink and he was now a slave to need he couldn't sate and probably never would be able to.

Gabriel loved Bacchus's parties. They lasted for days, the best ones months, and it was always the best way to lose yourself and it had been a long time since he lost himself.

He had been having a good time, until he saw his little brother. He could tell the kid was young, one of the last created, and his grace ached for him. Gabriel had pissed Aphrodite off once, and her lust potions were not fun.

He plastered on a lecherous smile, forming a plan. He nodded, his focus entirely on the kid.

"Oh yeah. I'm going to need time with him alone, though. I don't want him distracted by the other guests." Gabriel spoke with his most interested tone, not even pagans and other tricksters could tell his lies anymore.

"Oh, you've got a good eye,” Aphrodite purred. “He's darling too. Moans like a virgin every time. Gotta love angels and their abilities to heal. I can pass him off to you for a bit after the next guy."

As she said that, the angel was passed off to someone else. The angel gasped and cried and pleaded when the new man pushed his way in. Normally, the lust potions made the victim happy, but the angel's powers staved off that affect for the most part. So he was very aware of what he was doing and what was happening to him. But he had no control over his own body enough to stop or try to fight back.

Gabriel nodded to Aphrodite, but couldn’t make himself form words he was so furious. He made a show of sitting on a nearby bench, legs spread and palming himself through his jeans, looking like it was using all his focus to not jump in, push the other guy off and take the angel right where he lay.

Of course it was all for show. He just needed no one to question it when they disappeared into his tent. He figured he could rid the kid of the potion and then get him out of there. It would mean Loki would be on Aphrodite's shit list again, but he could live with that.

He was ready to just up and go when the guy finally got finished. Gabriel worked to not notice who it was. He didn’t want to have to slaughter someone he probably thought of as a friend. 

The angel was whimpering and shivering all over when he was delivered to Loki. His big blue eyes were rimmed with red and wet with tears. He was naked and sweaty from the pagans, since angels didn’t need to sweat and covered in bodily fluids, which Gabriel cleaned off with a snap of his fingers. 

The second he got to Loki he collapsed into him and kissed him, absolutely desperate. He whimpered and rubbed against him, desperate and in pain. The party had already been going on for a day, and Aphrodite and her family had him for days before that. Tears slipped down his cheeks and he closed his eyes. He was exhausted in a way he didn’t think angels could be tired.

Gabriel kissed the kid and made a big show of it, groping his ass and nipping at his ear. 

"Don't worry Angel, I'm going to take care of you,” he said where everyone could hear. Samandriel tried not whimper, but he didn’t succeed. He’d heard that enough over the past few days to know what it meant. The ones who acted the kindest were always he cruelest. His new possessor lifted him over his shoulder, grinned and stalked off to his tent.

Gabriel put the kid down, but it didn't take long before the kid was rubbing against his leg like a dog. He couldn't cleanse him like this, so he did the first thing he thought of: punched him in the temple and knocked him out.

"Sorry about that, kid."

Gabriel created a chaise and laid him on it, snapping him into some clothes. He laid his hands onto the angel’s head and ran just a smidge of grace through the vessels veins, chasing the potion out.

He checked the damage to his little brother’s head. He was healed and as it wouldn't take long for him to wake up, Gabriel let him do it on his own. In the meantime he took a moment to extinguish his grace even further. No need to make a mistake. He didn’t need to alert even a little angel like this of who he was.

When Samandriel woke up he was dressed and he was healed and he no longer felt the pounding lust. With his eyes still closed he pretended that it was all a dream, though he knew he wouldn’t be waking up if something bad hadn’t happened. 

He slowly opened his eyes and looked around and frowned when his eyes settled on Loki. "What happened?" he asked softly because he couldn't understand why he didn't feel such painful lust anymore. He was in control again. For the moment anyway.

The pagan opened his mouth and started to speak in a surprisingly gentle voice from the lust filled one Samandriel remembered. 

"Aphrodite's potion didn't work right for you. I'm not into that, so I cleared it out. "

"Oh..." Samandriel shivered a little. He licked his lips before speaking hesitantly. "Is there something I'm supposed to do... that you're into?"

Gabriel made a face and held out his hand.

"No thanks kid. Figure you've been through enough shit already. You ready to bust out of here?"

The angel looked totally confused. His eyes were still too big, and still wet from all the tears he’d shed before. His hand flexed and clung to the material on the pants he seemed to be just now noticing he was wearing. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Come on Kid, get with the program. I'm breaking you out like Andy Dufresne. Releasing you like a Pokémon."

"I... you're making references I don't understand but... you're letting me go?" he spoke it in a whisper like even hoping for that was a sin.

"Yes, now take my hand. I gotta cut too or else Aphrodite's gonna use that shit on me." And that was not something Gabriel was looking forward to happening ever again.

Samandriel grabbed onto Loki's hand with about all he had in him. He was terrified of it being a lie, but it was his only hope, so he went with it.

Gabriel snapped and created two look alikes, one of each of them, whose whole purpose was to fuck each other for three hours or so hours, be a decoy so he could sufficiently hide. He snapped again and moved them to the Midwestern United States, far from Bacchus' forest. He let go of his brother’s hand and gave him a smile.

"Congratulations, you're a free Angel, kid. Go on home, and next time you visit, don't find me."

Samandriel teared up again the second they were away. He wiped his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. "Thank you." he whispered. "Thank you so much."

Gabriel reached out and wiped the kid’s eyes a bit and clasped his shoulder. He should be gone already. But the angel shook under his touch, shook all over really. "How long did she have you?"

"I don't know... I don't. It's just... it was so long, I don't know what... it blurred together," Samandriel’s lower lip trembled.

"Aw, man. You do the lip wibble thing too? Come here." Gabriel gently and slowly pulled the angel in, seeing if he wanted a hug. It sure as hell seemed like he needed one. "It’s gonna be okay now."

Samandriel's face went red at the teasing, but he fell into Loki's chest and he wrapped his arms around Loki and started to cry. He shouldn't have let himself be captured. He shouldn't have given in to the lust like he did. He shouldn't have had to be rescued by a pagan. He should have run the second Loki cleared the drugs out of his system. Samandriel should have been able to clear it out himself. And he shouldn't need comfort from a pagan. But all of those things happened and he needed that comfort. He felt like he was trying to scream out all of his grace so he'd at least have an excuse for what happened.

Gabriel held him close for a long time, swaying him back and forth slightly and rubbing his back. He had no clue what had happened to the kid, but apparently he had been through enough to break him. He decided to somehow get one up on Aphrodite. She fucking deserved it.

Samandriel eventually went silent. But he didn't stop holding on. He felt just exhausted and afraid. He had no idea how long he'd been gone, but he had no one else. How would heaven ever welcome him back now that he was so tainted?

After a little while of silence, Gabriel gently pulled away and looked at the angel.

 

"You look a mess. Come on, let’s get you somewhere to clean up." He snapped and they were in the bathroom of a penthouse suite. He grabbed a washcloth, got it wet with warm water and started to gently wipe the kids face and neck down with it. "There. Much better."

 

"Thank you." Samandriel finally whispered. He watched Loki with tired eyes and confusion and weariness. He Loki tend to him. He thought he might cry again if he wasn't so tired. After so many days of just pain and cruelty, it was incredible to have so much kindness.

"Why don't you go lay down?" Gabriel gently took Samandriel’s elbow and led him to the bed. He flipped back the covers and gestured for the angel to lie down.

Samandriel sat down on the bed. He just looked sad. He had thought maybe he had been free to go. But it seemed that Loki simply didn't want to share. He reached shaking hands to the buttons on his shirt. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying not to be sick. How was he supposed to do this when he wasn't drugged?

Gabriel frowned for a moment, watching him shakily unbutton his shirt. When he realized what he was doing. He quickly reached out and grabbed his hands. 

"No." Gabriel’s voice was gentle but firm.

Samandriel opened his eyes and looked at Loki with confusion. "I have nowhere else to go... if this is what's required of me, then I'll do it."

"Angel, I don't want to fuck you. I brought you here because you looked like a sopping wet kitten and you need to sleep. No strings attached." Gabriel tried to sound calm and not frustrated. He didn’t need an obligation. The angel was just supposed to scamper home. Slowly, Gabriel pushed Samandriel’s hands down and away from his buttons.

Samandriel looked at Loki. "Samandriel... that's my name. If prefer if you used it... unless you want me to call you Pagan."

Gabriel rolled his eyes, but he was pleased with the sass. "Samandriel's too much. How about Sammy?"

"If you prefer." Whatever bite he'd had in him melted away. "You wouldn't lie about this right? You won't cover me if I sleep? Because if I have to, I'd rather do this now."

"Sammy, I will tell you this instant, I am a liar by trade, but I am not going to come at you while you're asleep. I'll leave if you like, but you need the sleep." Gabriel tried to keep calm, and he did, but he didn’t like how edgy he was feeling. 

“Please, don’t go,” Samandriel said quickly, grabbing onto Loki’s sleeve as it went past.

"Okay, okay. I'll stay." Gabriel spoke soothingly. "What do I have to do to get you into that bed? Or at least sitting down, resting? You still look like shit."

That was apparently all it took. Samandriel lay down obediently. Loki didn't put shoes or socks on him, so he was barefoot already. He was exhausted. He needed to rest and recover. He closed his eyes and slept, because he needed it and Loki told him to.

Gabriel grabbed the remote and pulled an arm chair up to the side of the bed. He leaned back, and looked over at Samandriel, with an immeasurable amount of sadness in his heart before turning the tv on and flipping it to a Spanish drama.


	2. Chapter 2

Samandriel slept for hours. He needed the rest. When he woke he felt more like himself. At least his grace was more whole. But he still had nowhere to run too. He just felt empty as he sat up.

"Hola Sammy. Felling better?" Loki had his feet propped up on the bed and was sucking on a lollipop. Samandriel nodded and swung his legs out of the bed and looked like he might stand.  
"Now what?"

"We say sayonara." Gabriel stood up and snapped up some shoes for the kid.

"Please, no... I don't have anywhere else to go." Samandriel looked like he might break into a million little pieces. He was barely holding himself together as it was and he had just gotten out of his capture and now he was going to be abandoned.

Gabriel looked at Samandriel oddly. "You sure about that kid?" He couldn't imagine that the family would abandon the kid.

“I’m certain. No one came for me when I was captured. I wasn’t gone for a few hours I was gone for days, and they could have found me, but they left me behind. Surely if they’d wanted me they would have come to get me when it would have mattered,” Samandriel said, trying to not let too much emotion into his voice. He was certain he failed.

Gabriel ran a hand over his face and sighed. He really didn't need this kind of ridiculous in his life. It would be infinitely harder to stay on the down low, but Samandriel needed help. And apparently the fam wasn’t going to step up.

"Alright. You can hang with me, okay?"

"Thank you." Samandriel said. And then he sat in tense and uncertain silence. He had no clue where to go from there. He looked at his savior and new companion. Loki was white skinned, nice brown hair with amazing golden-brown eyes. You rarely saw eyes like that on humans, but Samandriel supposed it was more common among the pagans. He looked down, realizing he was staring. 

Gabriel just sighed and sat back down. "Yeah. Whatever. Look are you gonna mess with my work?"

"No. What do you do?" Samandriel turned curious eyes to Loki. Pagans hadn't been what his job was about. Maybe if it had been he wouldn't have been caught so badly unaware.

"I make things even. Just desserts, so to speak. You humiliate people, I humiliate you. I'm usually not kind about it. If you're kind, what's the point? They don't learn a damn thing from it." Gabriel made certain to make his voice hard. He didn’t think a sweet little angel would be willing to put up with pagans. No sane angel wanted to hang out with pagans.

"Ok." Samandriel said. Divine justice was rarely pretty, after all. "Do you want me to help you?" he tilted his head to the side and looked Loki in the eyes.

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. "I'd rather you just not get in the way. Do you want to help?"

"I don't want to be useless or a burden." Samandriel stood up and stretched. He felt better, a little. He wouldn't be alone now.

Gabriel watched Samandriel stretch out of the corner of his eye and then stood up himself. "Do whatever makes you happy kiddo. That's how I roll."

"You're very strange." Samandriel said. He felt physically ok. His grace was back together and he felt slightly less empty. He could live with this.

"Doubtful. I am perfectly normal.” Loki sounded amused.

"You rescued me when you could have used me like all of your friends... I apologize if this causes you any trouble, by the way. I'm truly grateful." Samandriel added the last part quickly. He was truly grateful. He had no way to express how truly grateful.

"You caused me a whole hell of a lot of trouble honestly. If what I'm planning works, Aphrodite's gonna want my head on a platter." Gabriel was beginning and rubbing his hands together, eager to get one up on the vain woman.

"You... that makes you happy? You are very strange." Samandriel smiled. It was tiny and barely there, but it was there. Loki didn’t even notice, he wore a truly wicked grin and had on what Samandriel assumed was a plotting face. 

"Whatever, this is gonna be fun. Have you ever pranked someone and ran from the aftermath?"

“No,” Samandriel said. He furrowed his brow a bit. Why would he prank someone? 

Gabriel dropped his hands and gave Samandriel a flat look. "You guys never played pranks on each other?"

"I was told it wasn't appropriate for an angel." Samandriel frowned. "I've offended you. I... apologize. I didn't mean to suggest it was something bad. Humans can prank people, after all. It was just us that weren't allowed."

"Not appropriate?" Gabriel frowned. It wasn't always like that. It made him sad, and a little guilty that things were different. "No sex, no fun, what do you guys do all the time?"

"I don't think sex is fun." Samandriel said quietly. He knew it wasn't fair to judge based on his experience. But he'd never had sex before, and all he felt and saw was painful.

Gabriel winced and looked away. "Sorry bout that. Little insensitive of me huh?"

"No, it's ok. I'm certain you've had good experience with it... so you shouldn't have to censor yourself. You did get me out."

"Actually I should. I've punished humans for less than that. Should hold myself to a higher standard. Anyway, you hungry? "

Samandriel shrugged. He didn't want to talk about sex anyway, though he had a hard time not thinking about it. "I... could eat, I suppose."

Gabriel nodded and led Samandriel out and to the door. "There an amazing bakery three streets over. You like cake? We can discuss your desserts while eating them." Gabriel grinned, pleased with himself and his little pun.

Samandriel looked confused. "I've never had them before... I've never had anything until I was told it was impolite to turn down drinks... but it was from Aphrodite, so..." he trailed off, but followed Loki out quickly.

Gabriel grit his teeth and nodded. "FYI when it comes to Gods, don't accept anything from someone you don't trust. Fuck when it comes to anything, if you get a weird vibe from them, refuse."

"Ok." Samandriel nodded. He considered Loki. Honestly, he didn't trust him, but he had little choice. He just accepted that Loki could take advantage of him at any time. It seemed better than being hurt and surprised later anyway.

Gabriel nodded and called the elevator. "Good."

Samandriel stood stiffly in the elevator while he waited for it to go down. He was stiff all the way to the restaurant. Loki sat Samandriel down in a booth and got a couple of slices of chocolate cake for them, flirting a couple lattes out of the cashier as well. He slid a set in front of Samandriel and took a bite, humming happily.

"You know, you stick out like a sore thumb."

"I'm sorry." Samandriel glanced around, looking distressed. He took a bite of his cake. His expression looked thoughtful.

"You like it?" Loki nodded at the cake with a little smile on his face.

"It's interesting." Samandriel took another bite. He looked thoughtful the entire time he ate, but he ate the whole cake.

Loki's smile grew wider and he settled back his seat. "I knew you'd like it. Now. Aphrodite. What do you think her punishment should be? I think we do tit for tat and give her a taste of her own medicine. Her, her followers, and a spiked punch bowl, and she'll learn her lesson."

"No." Samandriel said very definitively. He shivered. "No... I don't want that. Just no." He knew he should want her hurt, to experience what she did to him. But he didn't. He didn't want anyone to feel that.

Gabriel leaned back in the bench and looked thoughtful. Samandriel honestly didn't want her hurt, and that was another strike against her. She broke that beautiful thing, and she needed to be punished somehow. Maybe Gabriel could just do it on his own, leave the kid out of it.

"Alright. Whatever you say Angel. We won’t don't that. "

"I just don't want to go near her again... and I don't want her hurt, not like that... I know that's what you do and I can't stop you... but just not like that... and I just want her not to be able to do that to anyone again..."

"I'll see what I can do. I suppose we've got time anyway. No need to decide now."

"Thank you." Samandriel said softly. He sipped his coffee, made a face and put the cup down.

Gabriel laughed and took the coffee from him, sliding the last third of his cake over.  
"Coffee's a no go, huh?"

"It's... I believe the word is gross." Samandriel made the face again.

Gabriel laughed again, took a sip before teasing him. "I suppose it is an acquired taste, for adults."

"Humans and pagans." Samandriel smiled just the tiniest bit, though.

Gabriel smiled at him again, then stole the last bite of cake off Samandriel’s plate. He winked at him and chewed with a smile.

Samandriel smiled just a tiny bit more. "You seem to like cake."

"Chocolate cake," Gabriel corrected, pointing his fork at the plate. "And Not just any chocolate cake either. This, my friend, is the best damn chocolate cake in the state."

"I believe you. I don't think I'm going to be much for eating." Samandriel sat back a little in his seat. He looked small and stiff.

"You just need to learn how to enjoy it. Just like you need to learn how to move your body better. Or... are you hurt?" He shouldn’t be. Angels healed easily. He shouldn’t be hurt, but maybe Gabriel had missed something.

"No, everything healed and my grace is back to functional levels." It hadn't even been that low before. 

"Then you need to loosen up.” Gabriel didn’t sigh in relief, but he thought about it. “You look uncomfortable, so it makes everyone else uncomfortable, and it makes you stick out. Act like that body is yours."

"But I am uncomfortable." he said earnestly. "I feel like I'm still back there... and like they're all staring and I can't make it stop."

Gabriel shifted uncomfortably in his seat and reached out to Samandriel, taking his hand. Opening up a little, he could feel the kid’s pain and it made him angry. He wanted to take him away and surround him with his own grace until he couldn't remember what happened. But he just couldn't.

"But they're not, and Aphrodite isn't going to get her ugly mitts on you again, I swear."

"I know... which just makes it worse." Samandriel said quietly. He squeezed Loki's hands, far too hard for what even a pagan could withstand, but he had no idea he was doing that. "I know I should be ok, but it just feels so bad, and I can't make it go away and I don't know how to describe it. I just want it to stop."

"Kid... I wish I could take it away, I really do. But it’s just not within my powers. But you're doing as well as I could expect. You shouldn't be okay. What happened you was horrible and vile, and it’s gonna take a little time before you're better. But you'll never be exactly the same. I'm sorry." Gabriel didn't notice the strength of Samandriel’s grip, he just took it, wishing it would be enough.

Samandriel hung his head. He wished so badly that he could just be dead and gone and not have to experience that feeling. He sent the prayer to Gabriel, like he had so often. He never felt like he could talk to their father easily, but Gabriel was a distant figure as well and part of him resolutely believed he was still alive. But he knew Gabriel wouldn't respond; it was just how he comforted himself. He prayed for a swift end, and he apologized for staying with a pagan, but he knew no one would want him now that he was tainted, but that Loki was good to him, and Samandriel was weak, but he needed that goodness or he would take his own blade and shove it into his chest just to make it all stop.

Gabriel constantly received prayers, from humans and his brothers. It was a low level hum in the back of his mind, his brothers sounding more clearly than the others. Over time fewer and fewer of his family prayed to him. As much as he hated the guilt that came with a prayer, he cherished them dearly. It made him feel connected to his family, even though he was so far away.

As he sat there, holding on to Samandriel’s hand, he heard one of his brothers prayers started to come through. He realized, horrified, that it was Samandriel.

He couldn't do anything about it, couldn’t give Samandriel the support he desperately needed from the person he wanted it from, not directly. So he went around the table and dropped his arm around his shoulder. He pulled Samandriel in close, tucked against his side and pressed a kiss to his hair.

"Everything's gonna be okay, Angel. Promise. "

Samandriel pressed his nose into Loki's shoulder. He pressed against him and took the comfort he needed and didn't look so tense as he had before. He wasn't used to touch, but this didn't feel bad. 

"You don't eat people, do you?" he asked softly. Well, pagans often did, but Loki didn't have that scent, and he'd heard tricksters liked sweets. So maybe tricksters really weren't that bad and it would be ok to stay with him.

Gabriel laughed into Samandriel’s hair. "No kid. I don't eat people. Not like how you're thinking."

"How am I not thinking?" Samandriel asked with innocent confusion.

Gabriel pressed a kiss to his forehead and slipped out of the booth. "I'll tell you when you're older. You ready to go?"

"I'm older than you are." Samandriel grouched, but didn't press besides saying "It has to do with sex, right?" He got up and stuck to Loki's side.

Gabriel dropped his arm over Samandriel’s shoulders again and walked them out.  
"Yeah kid, it’s about sex."

"Then why won't you tell me? I'm very old and I've been watching humanity for a long time. I've seen plenty of people do plenty of things. And I guessed wrong... because I've seen cultures rise and fall where how you interact with a guest being very important."

"Cause I don't know what was done to you and I was trying to be sensitive. But since you want to know, you eat somebody out when you put your mouth and tongue on someone’s clit, vagina, or asshole. "

"Oh." Samandriel nodded. He remembered doing something like that. "Do they like that? Do you like that?" The answer to the second question was more important to him, because that seemed awful in his mind.

Gabriel shrugged. "Some people like it, some people don't. I definitely do, giving and receiving. "

"Why? Why do you like it?"

Gabriel stopped and looked up at Samandriel with a little sadness. “When you're with someone by choice, giving someone pleasure and getting it in return is amazing. It feels good, and not just in your body."

"Oh..." Samandriel looked thoughtful. "I thought it might be different. Or I hoped. Otherwise humans are very strange."

"Humans are strange, and they do some strange stuff, but they're pretty awesome." Gabriel squeezed Samandriel’s shoulder and continued on, just walking

Samandriel nodded. "So... now what do we do?"

"Eh. Suppose I need to find a place to work my brand of justice on. Or I -we can wander for a bit. What do you want to do?"

"I want to stay with you. I don't care beyond that." he spoke with blunt earnesty. He looked at Loki while he said it.

Gabriel squashed the warmth that rose in his chest swiftly and thoroughly. He was just a safe face to stay with.

"Let’s take a break, yeah? Lemme show you around the planet. Do you have someplace you want to visit, after peering down from your cloud?"

"I... Disney world." his face got red because he knew it was really silly, but he'd always kind of wanted to go. Not that he told anyone this, not even Gabriel, because that wasn't something you told to an important angel.

Gabriel grinned and ducked into an alley. He should have guessed that heavens most adorable angel would pick the happiest place on earth. At least this way he can easily show him the ocean as well.

"You're gonna look adorable in mouse years."Gabriel snapped and flew them into a hotel suite next to the park.

"I didn't know pagans could fly that far." Samandriel said and then shrugged. He shifted nervously. "Am I going to stand out here too? I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable when they're supposed to have a nice time."

Gabriel shrugged, but internally smacked himself. He had to be more careful. "Trickster. And nah. You'll be fine, just... enjoy yourself okay? As long as you're enjoying yourself you'll blend in. Now let’s go get you some ears."

"Ok." Samandriel believed him. He followed after Loki out to where they were selling ear hats. He looked in the mirror when Loki put the hat on his head. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled just a little bit. He did look silly.

Gabriel grinned at Samandriel and plopped his own ear hat on his head. "There. You look lovely. Let’s go meet Peter pan"

Samandriel nodded and went with Gabriel. He stuck close by him, clearly nervous, though he relaxed whenever a child ran by, or saw one of the shy ones hiding behind parents. He smiled a little at them. He saw one girl duck behind her mother's skirt only to smile back a little at him. He was still tense, but he was unwinding, at least he was until someone bumped into him and he heard the muttering something about damn queers. 

Normally he would be annoyed or not care, but every little thing negative felt like way too much and he tensed right up again and just moved closer to Gabriel. It wasn't even like the person had spoken loud enough for anyone but someone with supernatural hearing to notice either.

Gabriel was having a good time. He liked Disney world. It was easy to pretend it was all real, lose himself in the children’s laughter and sticky sweets. He loved that Samandriel was having a good time as well. He noticed he liked the children, son he tried to make sure he bounced between the characters.

He growled when he heard that mans comment, and felt how Samandriel pressed close to him after. He turned around and pulled a trash can right into that fucker’s path with his grace, feeling satisfied when he toppled over it and the garbage inside spilled on him. Lots of ketchupy fries and warm soda in that one. How odd.

He wrapped an arm around Samandriel’s waist and smiled at him. "You okay?"

"I'm sorry. I'm not doing very well at blending in." He liked the whimsy of the place, the way the children laughed and the pure joy and creativity that flowed from their minds. He liked any place that fostered that.

But he felt like some gangly monster fit into human skin and he wanted to make himself and small as possible and disappear.

Gabriel turned to him and put a hand on his elbow. "You're doing fine. That fuckhead said something because they think we're lovers. He's an idiot who thinks it’s wrong. That's the only reason we're sticking out, not you. You're enjoying yourself, right? You want to stay?"

"You shouldn't say things like that around kids." Samandriel said. He didn't want to stand out at all though. But he also didn’t want to leave. "I don't want to go."

"Okay. We'll stay." Gabriel dropped his elbow and started to walk again. "You didn't say if you were enjoying yourself."

"I... it's complicated." Samandriel glanced around. And then he just decided to be honest. He made sure no one could hear them then pressed on. "I like that they're happy. Being close to this many children dreaming up big things makes me feel good. But I don't feel like I can actually feel good right now. Happy isn't something I can reach. I can't even do ok."

Gabriel nodded and squeezed his hand. "Okay Angel. I understand. You'll get there soon, don't stop fighting, okay? You can make it through to happy again."

“If… if you think so,” Samandriel said a bit hesitantly. Honestly, it was nice to hear someone say he could do it, though Samandriel hardly believed it himself. 

"Anything you want Samandriel, just ask and I'll get it. Anything." Gabriel gave him a little smile. Then pulled him to a snack cart. "And I can see you want some cotton candy right now."

"I'll try it." he still looked glum.

"Are you ok?" the cart lady asked.

"I'm sorry. My father just died, and my friend thought this would cheer me up. Turns out I'm just not able to..." he shrugged.

"Oh dear. Here, on the house. I'm so sorry." the girl said

"Thank you, it's ok." he accepted the cotton candy and stepped away, waiting for Gabriel but not wanting to talk to people.

Gabriel gave the girl a little smile and a shrug and paid for their cotton candy. He walked Samandriel to a bend and sat him down. "Wrong again. Cotton candy is not what you needed. Damn." He twirled his cotton candy for a minute, then spoke softly. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You got me out. I know you could leave. You don't need to be stuck with my dead weight. But you're letting me stay and you're trying everything to help me... and I'm truly grateful, Loki, I really am. I just wish I could run away from myself right now and there's really nothing I can do but hope it will get better." He plucked a bit of cotton candy off and popped it in his mouth before licking his fingers clean. "But I do like this."

Gabriel snorted and took a bit off of his own handle. "In England it’s called “fairy floss”. Seems more magical when you call it that."

"I think it sounds more dangerous and gross. What are fairies flossing exactly?" he couldn't help the sly smirk that settled onto his face.

Gabriel gently pushed his shoulder into Samandriel’s and grinned. "Their toes maybe? getting the toe jam out."

"Isn't there something else called flossing? Not about teeth?"

Gabriel looked confused, and then the penny dropped. He threw his head back and laughed. "That too Angel, that too. I didn't think you had a dirty joke in you."

"Angel of imagination. Pagan." he smiled a little, mischievous before he went back to chewing on his cotton candy.

Gabriel smiled back at him. "I like it. You're gonna keep me on my toes, aren't you?"

"I'm gonna try." Samandriel led them to a bench to sit. He was fine people watching. He relaxed slowly again, watching the children, slowly starting to feel a little better.

Gabriel leaned back in his spot and just enjoyed the day. It was beautiful out, and the kids were having a grand time. It always made him so happy to watch children, always.

"You like them too." Samandriel said. He turned to look at Loki. He started another prayer, just mentally speaking with excitement to Gabriel. He told about going to a Disney world, and apologized for being too embarrassed to say anything before. And he talked about how kind and good Loki was, and how adorable the kids were and how much good energy they put off. He started to lean against Loki while he prayed. He felt better like this.

"I do. They're the best and worst of them. Mostly the best. " He stopped when Samandriel started to pray, a little smile on his face as he concentrated on his words. He leaned back into Samandriel a little bit, watching the children and basking in the glow of praise he truly didn't deserve.

Samandriel felt Loki relax next to him and he relaxed more until he felt something like content. When he ran out of things to say he finished up his prayer with an apology for taking up Gabriel's time. Then he settled into Loki and just watched the people go by.

Gabriel shook his head at the send off and put his head on Samandriel’s. He wished he could let him know he wasn't a bother, he never had been. He wished a lot of things.

Samandriel found being pressed together like that was nice. "Is this what sex is like? I mean in some small way... just closeness. Because this is nice. And if it's like this... maybe it wouldn't be so bad."

Loki nodded. "Sometimes yes. This is what post sex feels like more often than not."

“Then what does sex feel like?” Samandriel asked. “If it’s not just about closeness. You said that people liked it. And you said that you like taking and receiving pleasure. What’s it like to give to someone because you want to?”

Gabriel looked over at Samandriel out of the corner of his eye skeptically, but answered anyway. 

"It’s hard to describe. It stops being about how they make you feel, and all about how you make them feel. And you care about them, so you want to make you feel good, and vice versa, and it becomes about a collective. Everything is that much better because they're the ones giving it to you, helping you feel it. It’s amazing."

Samandriel looked very thoughtful then. "That... sounds nice, actually. I think I'd like to experience that kind of sharing one day."

“It is nice, Angel. One day I’m sure you’ll find someone you trust, someone you have a relationship with who will make you feel good and who you’ll want to try with,” Gabriel said.

"Would you like to have sex with me?"

"What?" Gabriel was certain he must have heard that wrong.

"I don't mean now. I'm not propositioning you, of course. I just meant, if one day I felt like I could, would you want to? Because you're the only... relationship I have right now."

"I'm sure by the time you come around to sex, you'll have found someone much better to ask."

"Why wouldn't you be good enough? You saved me, when you easily could have just ignored me and enjoyed the event. I had no hope of rescue at all. But you did and you are good and kind... and I don't see why you wouldn't be the best choice even if I knew a hundred good people."

Gabriel stiffened and sat up. "Nah kid, you just haven't met the right people. I'm not who you think I am. I'm a liar and a cheater, I may not eat them, but I kill people readily enough. I'm not a good and kind person. "

"And our Father's divine justice has killed more. Death doesn't mean you aren't good. The care you take with me proves you are good, that you can be... and I have faith in you, Loki." Samandriel spoke insistently.

"I don't deserve that faith! I'm going to break your trust, I'm going to shatter that faith. Put it in your God, don't put it in me."

"Faith isn't something that you can give in evidence. I have faith in impossible things, but just because I haven't seen them happen yet doesn't mean they won't. I will believe in you, that even if you hurt me, you will try to do better. You might be able to be cruel, but I don't believe that's all you are." He spoke calmly and made it so people couldn't hear them. He knew Loki was good, and he wasn't going to change that just because it worried a trickster to not be seen as evil.

Gabriel looked up at the sky and then down at his hands, anywhere but Samandriel. "I'm not telling you yes to that."

"You don't have to. I can believe in you enough for the both of us." Samandriel said stubbornly.

Gabriel let out a groan and hung his head. He was not good enough for this angel, and if he ever was found out.... he didn't think he could stand the hatred in Samandriel's eyes.

Samandriel went back to watching the crowd. Soon it grew dark and he heard people say something about a parade. "Can we go? I want to see."

Gabriel looked over at him with a small smile on his face  
"I think they do fireworks." He let Samandriel lead, following closely behind him, but not holding his hand.

Samandriel followed the crowd of people until they came to a spot on the parade route. He let a family with kids stand in front of them, but they could still see. Samandriel watched the parade, quickly caught up in the joy of it. For a little while, maybe an hour, he grinned and laughed and cheered with everyone else.

Gabriel joined in, but stood so he could spend his time watching Samandriel. He was so glad that he had brought him here. He could have this time to look on and be happy again, just for a little while. When the parade ended he grinned at Samandriel.

"The show was good, wasn't it?"

"It was amazing. Thank you so much for bringing me." Samandriel’s smile had become subdued when the parade was over and people trickled away. "Can we come back tomorrow morning?"

"Any day you want Angel." Gabriel kept his grin on and, forgetfully, reached out for his hand. "Food? Hotel? Your pick. "

"I want a place to rest...and I think I'd like to try a shower." He gave Loki a shy look, but he still took his hand.

"Good idea. Not that you stink or anything, but warm showers are some of the most amazing things on the planet." Gabriel nodded and started to walk back to the hotel.

Samandriel followed him back. Of course Loki got them a place and Samandriel was glad it was close. He paused by the bathroom. "um, can you show me how to work this?"

Gabriel stopped flipping through the channels and nodded. He walked into the bathroom and opened the shower stall door wide.

"Alright, you turn these knobs, red for more hot, blue for more cold, and you. Hit this switch for the rain setting. Trust me, you want the rain." He looked over his shoulder at the angel. "You get that?"

"Well, I'll survive if I don't. Now go." Samandriel snapped his clothes away. He used his grace to fiddle with the knobs so he wasn't standing under the water until it was warm. Then he stepped and relaxed. He stayed in for a really long time, using grace to keep the water warm. When he finally got out he dried and out on the bathrobe the hotel left. It was super soft and plush and long. Then he walked out to see Loki, his hair still damp.

Gabriel was laid out on the couch relaxing with his shoes and jacket off, listening to the news. When he heard Samandriel come in, he looked over the back of the couch and nodded. "Feel a little less grody?"

"I feel really good." He went to Loki and sat next to him and snuggled right into him. He didn't watch tv, he just laid against Loki's chest and closed his eyes.

Gabriel was floundered when Samandriel cuddled up to him like that. He looked down at him with a little trepidation, but settled his arm over him and gently pulled him closer.  
"Okay," he murmured. "Glad you feel good."

"Thank you for everything." Samandriel didn't mean to, but he fell asleep like that, pressed into Loki, actually feeling safe. Loki wouldn't let anyone find them. He believed that to the bottom of grace.

"You're welcome."

Gabriel held Samandriel close all night long, eventually maneuvering them so they were laying down, Samandriel on top. He said it was for Samandriel’s comfort, but really he wanted the excuse to completely covered by Samandriel. He ran his hands alternately through Samandriel’s hair then down his back until he woke in the morning. He could only hope that he could keep his secret and wouldn't let Samandriel down.


	3. Chapter 3

When Samandriel awoke he was spread out on Loki. A little smile spread on his lips before he even opened his eyes. He felt Loki stroke his back and hair and it just felt nice. He slowly opened his eyes and smiled at Loki. "Good morning."

Gabriel looked down and smiled, still petting him. "Morning. Judging by the pool of drool on my chest, you slept well, yes?"

Samandriel blushed a little, but he ducked his head and rubbed his cheek against Loki's chest. "Yeah. Really well. Thank you."

Loki chuckled a little."No problem Angel. You seemed too comfortable to move."

Samandriel blushed brighter and buried his head completely into Loki’s chest. "Sorry."

Gabriel shook his head. "No problem. It was my pleasure. Besides, you look pretty all flushed like that." Gabriel grimaced. He hadn't meant to say that, but being alone with his thoughts must have lowered his brain to mouth filter. "Sorry."

Samandriel looked up. "You like to think of me like that?" He made his eyes wider, knowing he'd look even more innocent. Then he gave a wicked smile. "It's ok. I'm not mad."

Loki put a hand over his face and groaned. "You're gonna use that against me, aren't you." Samandriel grinned wider. It was nice to see Loki flustered. 

"Maybe later... but I don't mind. Maybe you'll keep me around longer."

"Angel, there are a bazillion things wrong with that statement."

“What?” Samandriel asked, tilting his head to one side. “If you think I’m pretty, then you’ll want me around more, won’t you?”

Gabriel looked a little helpless."You shouldn't... I shouldn’t keep you around because you're pretty. It creates a power imbalance and it’s no good."

"Ok." Samandriel said. "Then keep me with you because you like me."

"You shouldn't even want to be around me. I'm a dirty, disgusting, blasphemous Pagan."  
Even as Gabriel said it he tightened his hold on the little angel. He selfishly didn't want Samandriel to go. But he also knew it would be better, for both of them.

Samandriel leaned in and kissed him, chaste and uninterested in more. "I have faith in you. I told you this last night. Father made all of us, even you. So you can't all be evil. Certainly you aren't."

Gabriel had no idea what to do with that and he just blinked down at Samandriel. "Angel, not evil doesn't mean good. I want you to stay. But you need to remember that, okay?"

"I know. But I believe you are good. I know you don't believe it, and you might stubbornly do wrong just to prove me wrong. But I believe in you. I believe when it matters you will do what is good and right."

Gabriel gave Samandriel a squeeze. "You've got enough faith for the both of us, huh?"

"For the moment." Samandriel relaxed against him.

Gabriel nuzzled Samandriel's head. He was gonna regret this. "Alright. So you're staying with me for a bit."

"For as long as I'm welcome." Samandriel got up. He didn't even snap, but clothes appeared, jeans and a plaid shirt like what Loki was wearing. Different style and color, but Samandriel was learning by example.

Gabriel put his arms behind his head and appraised Samandriel’s look. "That looks familiar."

"Do you like it?" Samandriel spun around like he was showing off.

"You look good. The question is, do you like it?" Gabriel stretched and sat up, watching Samandriel still.

"I don't know yet. It's not bad, but I need to wear it for a while and see. Is that ok?"

"We're gonna look like one of those couples that steal from each other’s closet." Gabriel stood up and snapped some shoes on.

Samandriel smiled broadly. "I'd like that. Can I wear your shirt instead?"

"I should say no, cause that's fucking weird, but why the hell not." Gabriel took off his shirt and handed it to Samandriel. "If we're gonna do this right, you've gotta give me yours."

Samandriel slipped off his shirt and pulled Loki's on. He took a deep breath, smelling Loki all over it. That made him relax. The shirt was a little big on him. "Will mine fit you?"

Gabriel pulled Samandriel’s shirt on and then looked down. It was a little tight, accenting his little tummy and lack of definition.

"Yeah, no." Gabriel started to pull it back off again. "It was a good go."

"No, I like it." Samandriel pulled it back down before Loki could get it fully off. "Please. I like seeing you wear it. And it will smell like you so I can wear it tomorrow."

Gabriel gave Samandriel a soft smile. "If you insist. You still want to go back to the park today?"

Samandriel looked considering for a moment before he nodded. “Yes, I think I would like to do that.”

Gabriel grinned and took his hand. "Better get there early, the lines are ridiculous. Pagan powers only go so far."

"Alright. Let's go." Samandriel took Loki’s hand and started to drag them out.

Gabriel hurriedly followed after Samandriel with a grin on his face. He hoped today would be better, he had a feeling it would. He knew was going to enjoy it as best he could.

Samandriel did enjoy himself more that day. The rides were more fun for Samandriel. He was able to forget for the day. He felt safe and fed off the positive energy and just went. 

Gabriel had more fun as well, striving to keep Samandriel entertained and a smile on his face. He loved hearing Samandriel laugh, loved to see him smile. He focused completely on Samandriel for the day, and he was incredibly happy by the end of it.

"I might take a nap tonight. Keeping up with you is exhausting, kid." Gabriel spoke with a smile on his face and squeezed Samandriel’s hand gently.

Samandriel raised their clasped hands and kissed the back of his hand. "You haven't slept in a few days, have you? How much do you need to sleep, or usually sleep?"

"Once a week usually. More if life's been boring." Gabriel didn't need to at all, but it was a pleasant way to pass the time, and kept him more normalized with the other supernaturals who needed it.

"I've never slept before the other night... I mean, when I hadn’t passed out from exhaustion and over exertion, when I actually chose to try to sleep. But it wasn't bad. It's not something I want to do all the time. It is very wasteful, afterall. But it was pleasant to wake up and you were there."

Gabriel nodded. "I liked that part too. Are you gonna let me drool on your chest?"

“I did not!” Samandriel gasped, getting a bit red. He didn’t want to think about actually doing something like that on Loki. It was just disgusting.

"No. But I figure if I tease you again I can get you to blush real pretty again." Gabriel grinned and winked at him

Samandriel looked annoyed for a second before he let it go and grinned. He squeezed Loki's hand. "Today has been amazing, Loki. Thank you."

"Thank you, Samandriel. It’s been a great day for me too. You've got a beautiful smile, and laugh.” Gabriel smiled at him and brushed his thumb across the back of his hand.

Samandriel blushed. He pressed into Loki and sort of hugged his arm. Loki gently started to tug him off in one direction.

"Where are we going?" Samandriel asked, but the followed even without knowing. Even feeling better, he couldn't be away from Loki yet. Loki was safe and Samandriel didn't know who else was or wasn't.

Gabriel shrugged. "I want some ice cream. We can go up to the hotel room and I can snap some up, or we can find an open parlor."

Samandriel thought about it for a moment before he answered. “Let’s go to a parlor. I’d like to try what humans have made.” 

“Sounds like a plan, Angel,” Loki said with grin. That was what Samandriel like the most about that day. The smiles didn’t seem to go away.


	4. Chapter 4

They stayed about a week before Samandriel felt ready to leave. He switched between just sadness and happy very easily those days. And he slept every night. He hadn't had a nightmare, but then he didn't dream at all, that was something humans did, not angels. It took a week before he was ready to go someplace else. He insisted he was ready to go with Loki for pranks, or to at least watch him work.

Gabriel enjoyed his time with Samandriel, even when he was trying to keep the Angels spirits just high enough to avoid using his sword on himself.

His favorite part of the week was when Samandriel would sleep. No matter where Gabriel was, Samandriel would press close into his side and fall asleep, and Gabriel would stay up, caressing the younger angels back and hair, soothing both of them.

When he said he was ready to work, Gabriel took them to a small college town. There were always plenty of people to punish there, and it easy to figure out who needed punishing. He had them hired on as janitorial staff at the local college, much easier to collect information that way. Gabriel really enjoyed his self appointed job, and he liked coming home to Samandriel after he was done. 

Samandriel, of course, took more to the janitorial work then the trickster part, though he watched with interest. Sometimes he frowned through the whole thing. He didn't mind the professor who was always cheating on his wife, or the one eaten by alligators, but he wouldn't speak to Loki after the bit the aliens. It wasn't what he went through. But Samandriel went out of his was to tell the boy that while he might not be able to explain what happened, that what he felt was real and the fear and pain shouldn't be disregarded. The quiet assurance helped the young man a little, but Samandriel didn't come home that night. He felt sick and he couldn't deal with Loki.

Gabriel had never regretted a trick until then, and he only regretted it because of Samandriel. Gabriel worried himself sick when he didn't come home, but didn't go looking for him. He knew Samandriel was gone, that he was never going to come back. He figured it would happen eventually, he had just hoped it would have been later. Much later.

Samandriel stayed out that night, observing two hunters who had come to town. He didn't say anything to Loki because he wasn't talking to Loki. He didn't even go to work. Just stayed invisible and watched. That was all well and fine until the hunters went and attacked Loki. Samandriel sat back and watched, sure Loki could take care of himself.

Then he saw Loki get a stake in his chest.

When the hunters left Samandriel made himself visible, shaken to his core. He walked slowly to the dead figure he saw. He felt tears pooling in his eyes. He was about to reach for his own blade when the body disappeared.

Samandriel turned; ready to attack, until he saw it was the actual, living Loki. Samandriel jumped on him and held him and sobbed. "I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me behind. Please. I'm so sorry."

Gabriel held on to Samandriel with all his strength and started to speak over him. "I'm sorry. I didn't know where you were, I thought you were gone, or else I would have told you the plan. I would never leave you, never. "

Samandriel couldn't even speak, he just held on tighter. Loki meant more to him than anyone ever had. He loved him so dearly. He was safe with Loki and Loki never judged him. And he wanted to say all of this and explain that he was never far away, that he couldn't leave the best part of his life behind. So he grabbed Loki's face and willed it to him by grace so he'd understand the depths Samandriel felt for him and what he couldn't say because he couldn't stop crying to even think.

Gabriel could not believe what Samandriel was showing him. He simultaneously felt this intense joy he couldn't begin describe, and a despair he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy. He needed to tell the truth, but not yet, not yet. He focused on the joy he felt and rested his forehead on Samandriel’s.

"I love you too, Angel."

Samandriel buried his face Loki's chest and breathed in his scent and just tried to calm down. "Take me home?" he asked in a small voice. Everything felt like it was crashing around his head. He was emotionally everywhere and he only had one anchor. He needed to be safe where he could calm down and try to relax and stop feeling like he was going to vomit.

Gabriel immediately flew them to their little apartment without letting him go. "I'm sorry I scared you."

Samandriel shook his head and took them to the bedroom and changed them into PJs before dragging Loki into bed. He patiently waited until Samandriel was done crying, rubbing his back and hair, just like he always did. Samandriel was silent while he cried until he was certain Loki was ok. Only then could Samandriel speak, but only in a whisper.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was coming back. I didn't think that you'd think I wouldn't return. You seem to understand me very well, so I thought you knew I couldn't be far away... but I couldn't be too close either at that moment."

Gabriel spoke just as softly as Samandriel did. "Baby, I've been waiting for you to figure out I wasn't worth it since Disneyland."

Samandriel tipped his head up and kissed Loki. He'd done this only a handful of times, each one either to get Loki's attention or offer comfort. "I still believe in you. I was hurt and disappointed. But I still have faith in you."

Gabriel rested his forehead on Samandriel’s and sighed. "And I still don't deserve it. I'm so selfish."

"And I'm selfish to have just attached myself to your life and refused to leave." Samandriel snuggled into him. He held him close. They'd both gotten hurt from this, and Samandriel didn't like it.

"I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad you're here."

"I won't leave you, Loki. You're my home now. Please don't doubt that." Samandriel said, beginning to rub his arm. "Or at least trust that I'll talk to you before I go. You won't just stop seeing me one day, not if I've left you voluntarily. I can't promise that Heaven might not decide that I'm tainted and need to be put down. But if I just go away, know I would have wanted to come back to you."

Gabriel’s heart and stomach clenched and then burned at the idea of Samandriel being taken back up and hurt by their brothers. He gripped Samandriel tightly and practically growled out his words, betraying just a little bit of his suppressed power.

"If you disappear, I will not rest until you are returned to me. May God have mercy on their souls if you are harmed or dead, Samandriel. There is nothing I won’t do to keep you safe or get you back."

Samandriel was stunned at how powerful Loki was. He knew Loki was very powerful, but he felt like he got a taste of something more. He leaned in and kissed him again before pulling back. "Kiss me back this time. Please." but it was an order. He kissed Loki again, still light and careful as always.

Gabriel couldn't refuse a direct order like that, not from Samandriel. He returned the kiss just as gently as Samandriel gave it. Samandriel smiled. Loki had never kissed him back before. He was glad Loki had waited, but now he wanted to kiss him. So he kissed him again, just because it was ok. This was safe.

Gabriel held Samandriel close while they kissed, slipping a hand into Samandriel’s hair. He kept it mostly chaste, swiping his tongue across Samandriel’s lip once, then gently sucking on his lower lip, just testing how far he wanted to take it.

Samandriel let out a happy sound on purpose. He wanted Loki to know that those types of kisses were ok so far. He didn't feel overwhelmed. Gabriel got the message loud and clear and sighed in relief. He continued to nibble and taste both of Samandriel’s lips, making them both swollen and red by the next time Gabriel pulled away to look at him.

Samandriel sighed into the kisses and attention. The nibbling made him nervous, because he remembered painful biting. But Loki was careful and gentle and it just felt nice. "I like kissing you. Maybe this is something we can do regularly?"

"As often as you like, Angel." He pressed another kiss to his lips and smiled. "I'm glad you like kissing. I like it too."

"Every day then. Maybe not this much, but every day." He wrapped his arms around Loki's neck and dragged him down into a kiss that had more force behind it. Loki obliged his want for more by opening his mouth for Samandriel to slip his tongue in.

Samandriel remembered having tongues jammed down his throat, and jamming his tongue down others. This was different. This was soft exploration, and Loki offering himself up for Samandriel's experimentation. Loki trusted him and that warmed Samandriel all over and let him explore. In some ways, this was the sweetest, tenderest moment of Samandriel's life. And when he felt like he had enough he gave Loki a short kiss and then lay against him and just smiled at him.

Gabriel gave himself over to Samandriel's exploration, wanting everything he was willing to give. He tangled their feet together and sighed happily into his mouth. When Samandriel finally pulled away, Gabriel had a stupid grin on his face as he shifted so he could look down at Samandriel. He couldn't help himself and laid a big wet sounding kiss on Samandriel’s nose. Samandriel looked beautiful and soft laid out on the bed like that, though Gabriel knew of the strength Samandriel hid behind those shy, curious eyes.

"We should definitely do that everyday"

"I don't know if I can do that every day. But I want to kiss you every day," Samandriel responded before he squeezed Loki tightly. "Please don't ever be killed by hunters or angels. I don't want to be left here by myself."

"I promise, I won't." Gabriel took a breath in and out before speaking just above a whisper. "Please don't ever pull your blade on yourself. I can't... just don't leave me like that."

Samandriel frowned and looked at Gabriel. "I... didn't think I was that obvious... I try to not. I don't want to feel like that. But some days I just feel like I want to be out of my skin any way I can manage, and I feel like it's the only way... and it's frightening... honestly, I normally pray when I feel like that, and then I feel like I can control that feeling better."

Gabriel nodded and pulled Samandriel that much closer. "Keep doing whatever gets you through it. But I could see it on your face when I found you..." He closed his eyes and bowed his head a little. The prayers had been fewer and farther between, but this was the first time in a long time that he thought Samandriel would succeed.

"If you had been gone... I don't know, maybe... but I would have buried you first. I couldn't have left you out like that." his eyes stung. He pressed his face into Loki's neck and took a shaky breath.

Gabriel buried his fingers in Samandriel’s hair and kissed his temple. "I won't leave you alone like that. I promise."

"Good." Samandriel gripped harder but went silent. He started to pray, just telling everything that had happened to him. He pretended to sleep against Loki's chest, but he was telling Gabriel what happened to him with Aphrodite, what he could remember, since it mostly blurred together.

He talked about what he did, what it felt like, not being able to stop himself, his fear, his shame. He apologized to Gabriel over and over for telling him this. Gabriel was doing something important. But Samandriel had to talk about it to someone and he couldn't say it all out loud yet. They prayer was hard enough.

Then he talked about Loki and the tricks and how much Loki liked sweet things and the dog they had found and were caring for while they stayed there.

And then he talked about the thing with the alien and how it brought back all those memories and trying to comfort the boy, and carefully changing his memories after a few days to something he could manage.

And then Samandriel's fear of losing Loki and how much Loki meant to him. Even hurting still, Samandriel prayed for Gabriel to bless Loki, or just maybe not let him be killed when the end came. Samandriel made his best case for him, and why it would be good to keep him around. He tried very hard.

Gabriel took in every word and committed it to memory. It was the most honest and pure prayer he had heard and felt for a long time. He squeezed Samandriel once, then deepened his breathing pattern to match Samandriel’s and started to pray to God. He hadn't done so since he left Heaven, but he hadn't had such an important thing to ask him.

He didn't say anything about where he was and what he had done; he knew his Father knew already. He just asked for two things.

Firstly, he asked to be worthy of Samandriel’s love. He knew he wasn't, not as he was, and he needed to be made better. Secondly, most fervently, he prayed for Samandriel’s safety. Gabriel felt Samandriel was the best of them all, what Angels should strive for, kind and caring, self-sacrificing. If any of them deserved Gods protection, it was him. He prayed for Samandriel long into the night, long after Samandriel had fallen asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Samandriel woke to their dog hoping on them, wanting attention and needing to pee. Samandriel snapped clothes onto himself and took Chewie out for a walk. The sun was barely up at all, but Samandriel liked that. When Chewie was ready to go home he took him back. He pet and hugged their dog before he climbed back into bed. "Sorry Chewie. I'm not leaving like that again without telling anyone." he whispered.

"Good." Gabriel whispered back, pulling Samandriel close. "Chewie was nervous too."

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I won't do that again. Not like that." Samandriel said softly

"It’s okay. We're okay now, right? "

"I... you really upset me... and I had to change that boy's memory just so he could have someone to talk to about what happened... and so I gave him one of my memories." Samandriel did his best to sound like thinking of that didn’t tear him up.

"I understand." Gabriel was not going to apologize for that trick. It went against his code.  
"You have him one from Aphrodite?"

"I... yeah, well, I tailored it. I just couldn't make something up like that."

"... Do you want to tell me what you gave him?"

Samandriel touched Loki's head and just gave him the memory, both of them. There was the one of a god that Samandriel didn't recognize, but who'd Loki would, who just took Samandriel over and over again. Then the one he gave to the kid, who got a similar memory, except that there was no painful need. He had time to rest in between. It was the same face.

Gabriel clenched his jaw and swallowed thickly. He hated that his beautiful boy got treated like that, like somebody's plaything. He kissed Samandriel's forehead, and then rested them on each other.

"You are so kind. I'm lucky you are mine."

"It might have been kinder to take it away... but I was afraid it would come back to him and he wouldn't be able to deal with it." Samandriel hugged Chewie who whined, feeling Samandriel's distress.

Gabriel closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. I should have thought up a better punishment. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Don't do anything like that again. Ever,” Samandriel said. But he rested his head against Loki's shoulder. "But I forgive you."

"I won't." Gabriel rested his head on Samandriel’s. "I don't deserve it. Thank you for it."

"I love you... we have to go to work, or are we picking up and moving now? It's not safe for you here now, is it?" Samandriel felt cold when he thought of those hunters and seeing Gabriel dead on the floor. Even if it wasn’t really Gabriel he never wanted to see that again.

"I love you too... Moving. It’s not safe for you either. Is there any place you want to go?"

"Some place else. I liked the job, though. I like doing things for people. It's nice. We're not gonna leave Chewie behind, are we?" He hugged their puppy. Well, Chewie was a mutt they'd found on the side of the road and he was not a puppy at all. He was a bit stumpy, but that didn’t make him a puppy.

Gabriel laughed and ruffled Chewie’s fur. "Of course we're taking him. Can't leave the little furball behind, can we?"

Chewie yapped happily. Samandriel hugged him and kissed the top of his furry head. "Then pick us a new place and we'll go."

"Lets go for a coast, yeah? East or West. Warm or cold. Your choice."

"Cold, west." Samandriel pet Chewie. "Would you like to see snow, huh Chewie?"

"Chewies not going to be impressed the first time his belly hits the snow when he goes out to take a piss.” Gabriel sat up and stretched. "Is there anything you want to keep from here? Or just us three?"

"Just us." Samandriel sat up and snuggled into Loki's side. He smiled up at him. "Is there anything you want?"

Gabriel wrapped his arm around Samandriel and picked up Chewie. "Just us."

He snapped and they were in a new apartment in a city off of Mount Rainier, in Washington state. The snow was falling outside their window, and Gabriel put Chewie down so he could explore the new space. "Voila. Coast and snow."

Samandriel smiled and ran around as well, looking around. He smiled and came back, tackling Loki with a hug. "It's perfect!"

Gabriel made an “oof” sound then grinned and softly kissed Samandriel. "I'm glad you like it."

Samandriel gave him a soft kiss. "I do. It's exactly what I wanted."

"I want to give you everything you want. Is there anything else?"

"You're here. And we have Chewie... I don't need anything else." Samandriel wrapped his arms around Loki's neck to draw him back into a kiss.

Gabriel happily returned the kiss, running his hands up and down over Samandriel's back

Samandriel smiled. "So, what's the plan?"

"We keep doling out our fiery brand of justice. Unless you have something you want to do?" Gabriel asked, rubbed Samandriel’s back in little circles.

"No. I'm happy. This is good. I just wanted to know if you had some specific target?"

“When do I ever?” Gabriel asked.

“True." 

"Want to go check out the Jacuzzi?”

Samandriel’s eyes got a little big. “We have a Jacuzzi?


	6. Chapter 6

Samandriel had been happy, following Loki around the world. They'd avoided the pagans and angels mostly. Only one pagan had recognized Samandriel and congratulated Loki on stealing the prize, thinking Samandriel was some kind of domesticated sex slave, when even two years later they barely did more than kiss. But Samandriel had come to enjoy his life.

He just knew that things were coming to an end. When Dean Winchester sold his soul, Samandriel watched Gabriel try to prepare his brother, trying to stop the end, in his own way. Loki could see it no less clearly than Samandriel. Samandriel wept the night Dean Winchester was saved from grief and joy. They'd been waiting for the end, and soon Gabriel would return to trumpet the end times. But Samandriel didn't think Loki would be spared. Samandriel wasn't even certain he'd be welcomed back. He thought maybe he'd be cast into the deepest prison, like Gadreel.

But he tried not to worry. Until an angel found him. Inias was one of Samandriel's oldest friends. He came to their home. Samandriel just glanced up and suddenly there was an angel standing in their living room.

"Samandriel, you are being called home. We need every soldier in our ranks. The end is soon." Inias said like he was giving a divine proclamation. His lips even turned up a little into something like a smile.

"But Gabriel hasn't returned to trumpet in the end." Samandriel protested.

"Samandriel, Gabriel is dead. He's not returning." Inias soothed.

"No, it was foretold. If Gabriel hasn't returned to sound the call, then it's not happening," Samandriel said stubbornly, turning back to his magazine.

"You have been summoned. It is happening."

"I won't return until it is the end." Samandriel said, trying to sound calm.

"Samandriel, we understand why you have been... slumming it down here, but you cannot defy a direct order." Samandriel looked up at that. He felt a certain anger boil in his stomach. Heaven had been watching him. He knew he should be relieved that they still wanted him, but he couldn’t, not when living with Loki was being called ‘slumming’. He was about to stand up and say something when Loki came through the front door.

"Why is he here?" Gabriel walked over and stood beside Samandriel, frowning at the angel that was in the living room. 

“Samandriel is to return home." Inias said, barely containing his contempt for a pagan.

"I am home. I am not going back." Samandriel stood as he spoke. His voice was firm, but tired.

"You are turning your back on our Father? You're turning your back on Heaven, and our mission?" Inias sounded shocked and appalled. Of course Samandriel had always had more faith in their father’s return than any angel Inias had ever met.

"I would never do that. I am loyal, Inias. But Gabriel has not returned to sound the call. Until then it is not the end. And I will not leave my life here to fight when it is not the time."

"Lucifer will rise," Inias protested.

"Maybe and maybe not. It is your job to stop the breaking of the seals. Why are you here?"

"You are here. I was ordered to retrieve you."

"I'm a messenger. If someone has a message for me to deliver then I will. Until then, I would like for you to go. Now."

"Samandriel, if you do not return home then you will be cut off from heaven."

Gabriel frowned at the news and started to speak, forgetting his role for a moment. "But if he goes back, he'll never be seen again. Sounds like you want to send him off to the front lines where he'll be ill prepared and first to die. Who the hell is making that choice, to send a messenger to fight? That's ridiculous and useless. No. He'll stay here."

"I'm not speaking with you, pagan." Inias practically spat the word with disgust. "Samandriel was loyal before he met you."

"I am still loyal. And Loki was the one who saved me. I know the way this will probably end. I will return when Gabriel sounds the call... until then I will remain here. Even if I'm cut off." Samandriel’s choice was final.

"And I cannot change your mind?" Inias sounded sad, sadder than Samandriel was used to angels sounding.

"Go home, Inias."

Inias sighed heavily then was gone. Then Samandriel slumped.

Gabriel reached out for Samandriel and took his hand. He knew it was close to the end times... but he was not sure if he would be called upon to sound the horn. He didn't know if he even wanted to, especially if it would take Samandriel away from him.

"Talk to me Angel."

Samandriel took a deep and shaky breath and then buried his face into Loki's shoulder. "I thought they'd come for me... but not for this... I pray all the time. I'm not disloyal. I swear I'm not... but no one has had need of me. And now they want me back to die with honor, or live and be cast out... this was never a choice I wanted to make."

"I know it wasn't. And I know you're not disloyal. But I think that you made the right decision, because you're going to stay here, with me. I know I'm a lousy consolation prize, but..."

Samandriel planted his lips over Loki's to shut him up. "You're not a consolation prize. You never were... now, I don't want to think about this." he looked at Loki, who was not his everything, but he was so much of Samandriel's life. "I want to have sex with you."

"That is a very abrupt and odd subject change, so I am going to assume you don't mean it, not really, and continue about my day." Gabriel kissed Samandriel’s cheek, his heart pounding, and turned to go to the kitchen. These past two years had been the most loving and joyful of his life. Also the most sexless, but that was quite beside the point. Samandriel was throwing a monkey wrench in their gears, and as much as Gabriel wanted him, he was scared. 

"I mean it Loki." Samandriel said, following after him. "I'm still scared, but I know you won't hurt me. You've been so careful with me... and I want this. I knew it would be you even before the first time I kissed you and I'm ready now."

Gabriel turned around and leaned forward, peering into Samandriel’s eyes. "This is big, Angel. Do you know what you want to do?"

"I just... I want to be with you. I want to do what you've been telling me, making each other happy. I want to touch you and I want you to touch me too." He didn't know how to say exactly what he wanted because even he wasn't certain.

Gabriel stepped closer and took Samandriel’s hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed it flying them to the bedroom. "If you're sure."

"I'm certain. Loki, I've been thinking about it for months I just didn't have the courage to ask. I'm certain." Samandriel kissed Loki back, a familiar and wonderful action.

Gabriel slowly kissed Samandriel, running his hands underneath the back of his shirt for the first time in months. "I love you. If you say any negative thing, or have a negative reaction, I will stop. Alright?"

"Alright." Samandriel guided them to sit down. He started to work on the buttons of Loki's shirt. He still always wore Loki's clothes the day after Loki wore them. He'd seen Loki in various states of undress through those two years. He loved Loki. He wasn't afraid.


	7. Chapter 7

Samandriel was happy, even though he could feel himself getting weaker. Not as fast as he thought, though. He'd never been very powerful. He had no idea that Gabriel's presence was feeding his grace now. He would probably never drop below half with Gabriel around.

They had a new prank, with the Winchesters who'd started it all. Samandriel was helping. He'd made suggestions and things and he was there to be certain they never actually got to Loki. So it confused him when they trapped him in holy oil and he didn't immediately escape.

Gabriel kept his cool when the Winchesters got a leg up on him. All this time, and he should have known it would be them to kick him out of the closet. He hoped Samandriel wouldn't leave him. That was his only thought standing in front of them all.

"We know you're not just a trickster." Castiel said. "You're too powerful."

"You're wrong." Samandriel said, letting himself be seen.

"Samandriel." Castiel noted.

"Good to see you too." Samandriel couldn't help but be a little bitter. "This is Loki. Not an angel."

"Then he can get out of that fire on his own." Dean said.

Gabriel was caught, no different than he was before, but for a second he had hoped he could get out of this secret intact. He resolutely didn't look at Samandriel and he snapped. Nothing happened, except the illusion falling away and they were in a warehouse.

"Congratulations, You're a real pair of Hardy Boys. Where did I go wrong?" 

"Play your roles? Come on, no one gets that insistent and upset unless they're talking about family. So, which one are you?" Dean said.

Gabriel clenched his hands into fists and released them, then turned to face Samandriel. He was the only one he was going to hurt with this, and he needed to see his face. He took a deep breath and whispered 'I'm sorry.' before speaking.

"Gabriel. My name is Gabriel."

Samandriel looked shocked and then he looked heartbroken. He walked right up to the fire. "Gabriel?" he squeaked. He'd been praying to Gabriel all along the way, telling him secrets that he didn't feel comfortable with telling Loki... and Loki had heard.

"You could help us stop this." Sam said, not noticing the look on Samandriel's face.

Gabriel spoke only to Samandriel, ignoring Sam’s words. "I'm sorry. I couldn't let you know at the start and then the further we went along there was never a good time."

"We'll talk about this later." Samandriel said, glaring at Lo-Gabriel... Gabriel.

"Sorry to break up your lie." Dean said. "But you can end this."

"It's not supposed to be started then. Gabriel didn't sound the call... our Father didn't approve of this." Samandriel said. He wrapped his arms around himself.

"I don't think Daddy's paying attention. The vessels are right there, prime for the picking. Michael and Lucifer are ready to throw down. This is going down whether or not he approves. Not you or I, or the Winchesters with all their bullheadedness can stop it," Gabriel said.

Samandriel took a deep, angry breath. Something was wrong with his home. "You're fighting this?"

"Yes." Castiel said.

"Then I'll join you." Samandriel said.

"No offense," Dean said. "But can you do anything?"

"I'm going to help, and your short on options. Gabriel isn't going to help. He's clearly not interested in any of this." Samandriel spoke with bitter anger and did not look back at Gabriel in the circle of fire.

"Samandriel, don't do this." Gabriel stepped up to the flames, worried about what Samandriel was saying. "There is no way to stop this. This is how it has to be. Anyone who tries to stop it will die, you know that!"

"Then I'll die!" Samandriel snapped. "When I had a reason to think this wasn't it I held back, but now I know it is. But it's not what was written, and I'm not going to follow something so broken. So I will fight it... and if I survive, I'll come home to you." he said the last part much more softly.

Gabriel looked sad, knowing in his bones that it wouldn't happen. "What happens now? I stay here for everything?"

"No." Dean said, hitting the sprinklers and turning them on. He didn't say anything, but walked out with the others.

Samandriel swallowed thickly. He sent up a prayer to their farther, for help for their small little group, and for safety for Gabriel through all this, and a small little hope that Chewie would understand why he might not be coming home.

Gabriel watched Samandriel leave with the Winchesters, and stayed in the warehouse for a long while after that. He sent a prayer to his Father to keep Samandriel safe, but was otherwise alone with his thoughts and his regrets, most of them surrounding Samandriel and his lies. He should have told him two years ago. But what use was it? Samandriel was gone now, off to die in a useless fight to stop the world from ending. He flew home and cuddled Chewie for a long time, avoiding thinking about how empty the place was without Samandriel there.


	8. Chapter 8

Samandriel and Castiel fed off each other, stopping the bleeding of each other's grace, but Samandriel suddenly felt so much weaker. He understood that Gabriel had kept him from losing all his grace. He missed Gabriel fiercely. But he couldn't go home, not when there were people who needed him.

He couldn't blame Gabriel for not wanting to fight. Apparently Heaven was very corrupt. Gabriel couldn't hope to fight back against that. Samandriel couldn't either, but he knew where he belonged and so he fought. He tries to prop up Castiel who was losing his faith, and Dean who was clearly trying to do everything short of self destruct, and Sam was so upset that he was Lucifer's vessel.

It was exhausting work, and losing his grace just made it so much more tiring. He often slept the same hours as the Winchesters, or napped during their long drives. He was trying to replenish what strength he had when he could. So it wasn’t surprising that Samandriel was asleep in their back seat when the storm hit and they had to take cover at a hotel called Elysian Fields.

They roused him enough to get him into a hotel room and he wasn’t paying attention, too tired to worry about anything except sleep. He had to admit that it was embarrassing how easy he was capture, since he’d been physically asleep when the pagans picked him up and carried him off.

Gabriel had been flying past the Elysian Fields when he spotted the Winchesters’ stupid Impala in front of it. He landed and strode through the hotel, stretching out his grace, trying to find them. By the time he found them the Winchesters and Samandriel had been captured. Samandriel remembered two of the gods there from when he'd been under Aphrodite's potion. But they recognized him first. They gave him something similar, not a lust potion, but something that addled and weakened him and when Gabriel broke in Samandriel nearly got up and went to him, desperate for comfort, only Kali's hand on his shoulder kept him in his seat.

Of course they were in with all the other gods, Winchester luck and all that, Gabriel thought to himself. He waited by the door until the right moment- what's an entrance but timing- and strode in through the double doors during a particularly hot argument. 

"Can't we all just get along?" He quipped, a shit eating grin firmly in place. "Leaving ol' loki off the invite list? Bad form guys, bad form. Especially when you invite his date." He snapped his fingers and sent the Winchesters to their room. "There. Now we don't have to watch our language in front of the kids."

Samandriel whimpered and reached for Gabriel. "Loki." he said, drawing out the o. He wanted away from those people who hurt him, who would hurt him again if he was left alone. He felt tears come up to his eyes. Loki hated him now, he was sure, but he didn't know why.

Gabriel’s heart sank when he heard Samandriel's voice. They had drugged him, and Father knows how long ago they had done it. If they had done anything to him, they were all worse than dead.

"We did not invite him, but he wandered right into our little event. You know we don't like interlopers." Kali said. 

"When you fucking leave the vacancy sign on in the middle of a thunderstorm, what did you expect?" He spat out. He gestured with open arms at Samandriel to come to him.

"Come here Angel." Samandriel obeyed instantly and practically ran into his arms. He hugged Gabriel tightly around the middle, and Gabriel returned the hug, albeit more gently. "What did you give him?" He demanded.

"Nothing you'd object to, something to make him more suggestible. But he hasn't been ruined for you. I remember how possessive you can get." Kali responded. 

Gabriel squeezed Samandriel tight. "If you didn't have any plans, why did you drug him?"

"We don't have plans for him, though we could easily make them. We just needed him out of the way. We're going to call out Lucifer and kill him now. We are not just going to passively sit by and watch those westerners end the world," Kali said with cold hatred.

Gabriel rolled his eyes and sighed. "You guys really need to invite me to these things. It's impossible to stop this one. Too many wheels are churning now to stop it. The only thing that's going to happen is the swift and immediate occasion of your deaths."

"And what do you know if this?" Baldur demanded.

"I told him." Samandriel slurred and started to shiver. He had to protect Loki. They'd hurt Loki. He had to protect him.

"Perks of a long term relationship: we get to know the ins and outs of each other’s Apocalypse. I'm telling you this cause some of you guys aren't jackasses. I suggest you leave. If you call Lucifer here, you're as good as dead."

"We already called him. You are foolish to think he can take us all," Kali said smoothly.

"He can. You should go, it's not safe." Samandriel said, fighting to be able to say that. He'd always been kind hearted and he know these were Loki's family and he didn't want to see them getting hurt.

"You're all too prideful if you think you can stand up to him. It has been absolutely wonderful knowing you, but I'm taking my angel and my humans, and we're leaving.” He put Samandriel’s arm over his shoulder and turned to walk out of the room.

"They are bound to me." Kali said. "A blood spell. They are staying."

Gabriel stopped walking and turned around to pout at Kali. "Aww, Kali. Why you gotta be like that?"

"This will happen, Loki. I suggest you make your peace with it. We have some time, why don't you get reacquainted with your Angel. I heard he's been naughty and ran away." Her eyes were very sharp.

Gabriel didn't respond, just walked out of the room. As soon as he was out of the hall he flew to a vacant room and put Samandriel on the bed. He didn't waste any time before chasing out the potion with grace. He looked into Samandriel’s eyes and put a hand on his cheek

"Angel, you okay? Did they do anything to you? Talk to me."

Samandriel's arm went around Gabriel's neck and he pulled him close and held him tight. He shook, from the fear from being drugged. "I'm ok. I'm ok." He was certain that he'd never see Gabriel again. And he'd missed him terribly, but he'd had work to do. "You need to leave. If you don't want to get caught up in this you need to go now."

Gabriel pushed his face into Samandriel’s shoulder and breathed. He missed him so much.  
"I'm not leaving without you."

"Gabriel, you have to go. You don't want to be a part of this... and I promised to see this through. This may be my only opportunity. I'm not going to try to kill him, I have no chance of that working. But maybe I can talk to him for even a moment... can you get the Winchesters out, though?"

"Those boys aren't going anywhere. Kali's got them bound, so they'll leave when she says, which is never. I have to get their vials. And Lucifer's not going to listen to common sense. He'd need to be killed to be stopped and that’s not something anyone here can do."

"And I know that can't do that. But I've got to try this... maybe it's what I'm supposed to do..." Samandriel smiled, though he was clearly terrified. "Just get the boys out of here. They need to be safe..." He grabbed Gabriel and held him close. "I'm still so mad at you... but nothing's changed. I still love you. You're still the best part of my life... and you're still who I hope to come home to." he didn't think he was going to make it back from this. "Take care of yourself, alright?"

Gabriel held Samandriel close and shut his eyes, trying to memorize everything about him. Gabriel wasn’t about to let Samandriel face off with Lucifer. He'd do it, he'd take on his brother and either save the world or die trying. He pulled back and put his hands on Samandriel’s face and willed him everything he felt about him. All his love, all his joy, everything that Samandriel inspired in him that he hadn't had the courage to show him before, knowing this was going to be his last chance to do so. 

"Love doesn't even begin to cover it Angel."

Samandriel blinked back tears. He was still so hurt he couldn't even find words. But he loved Gabriel. He'd always loved Gabriel, even when he was far away and then he was gone. He loved Loki too. They were the same person, and that hurt, but the two different loves had begun to mingle together into something different. 

"You're worth way more than you think. You always have been." Samandriel smiled a watery smile.

Gabriel gave him a sad smile in return. "Maybe someday I'll live up to all that faith you've got in me." He gave Samandriel a chaste kiss then got up off the bed. 

"I know you will. Now go. Get the Winchesters away from here." He pulled on his best smile for Gabriel, for the person who made him stronger just by standing next to him.

Gabriel left the room and took a steadying breath before flying into Kali's room. He had a plan to get the boys, and it was a stupid one, but at least he had one.

"I'd have thought you'd be screwing your angel into the mattress." Kali said, turning to face Gabriel.

Gabriel shrugged and walked toward her a little grin on his face. "The Kid’s a bit of a prude. If this is gonna be my last night I'd rather it be with someone fun. So what do you say? Up for go?"

Kali smiled at him, sharp like always. "I suppose. Baldur is a bit dull." she moved in close and then attacked him with a kiss, full and hungry like always. Her hands traveled up his back, heading for his hair to yank and pull and tug him around like she always did. Except that she stopped at his neck and there was a sharp sting.  
"You think I don't know that you love that kind hearted little boy." She drew her hand back. It was covered in Gabriel's blood. "I know where your heart lies, Gabriel."

Gabriel stumbled back into the night stand and put his hand on his neck to stop the blood. He grabbed the three vials on the dresser with his other hand while he was at it, stuffing them into his pocket.

"How long have you known?"

"A very, very long time. I am not a fool. And you're not as smart as you think. Come." An order for her was law with the blood spell. She walked with him back to the meeting room. Samandriel and the Winchesters were brought shortly afterwards.

"Give me your blade, Gabriel." she ordered.

Gabriel frowned and reached into his jacket, pulling out an Angel blade. He dropped it into Kalis open hand. He caught eyes with Samandriel and gave him a little smile. He prayed directly to him. //Samandriel, it’s a fake. She'll stab me and I'll play dead. No wings, it’s not real, understand?//

Samandriel gave no indication that he heard. And when Gabriel 'died' he let out a horrified scream and ran to Gabriel's body, cradling him, while Kali made a speech about being able to beat Lucifer. Samandriel gathered up Gabriel.

"Where do you think you're going?" Odin asked.

"He's mine, and I will not allow him to not be honored," Samandriel snarled.

"Take him if you must, but you will return here when Lucifer comes," Kali said.

"Of course!" Samandriel snapped. Kali still had his blood, after all. He carried Gabriel to a room and laid out his body. Then he left. He could feel Lucifer coming and he was still bound by the magic.

Gabriel came out of his self induced trance on the bed, wondering exactly how he got there. He thought they'd leave him in the room and vacate. He knew stealth was needed so he went invisible and looked for the Winchesters. He found Dean by the impala and went into the back, crouching on the cushion and whispering through a crack in the glass. 

"Psst dean, get the fuck over here." He waited for him to get in the car then handed him the vials. "You guys are free as a bird now. Take Samandriel and get the fuck out of here."

"The kid's back inside. He said he's bound to stay and even if he wasn't he would stay anyway... why are you not dead?" Dean demanded, suddenly coming to his senses.

Gabriel turned to look at the hotel with a frown on his face. "God Damn it Kid." He muttered under his breath. He turned to dean and started to move toward the door. "Like hell I would give her my real sword. That thing could have killed me!"

"Dammit, Gabriel." Dean muttered. "You know, that man you claim to love is willing to die to protect all of this. You might be too scared to stand up to your family. But he isn't." Dean headed in to tell them the plan was off. He said about the sword being a fake about the time it was too late.

"Lucifer’s here." Samandriel said, dragging Sam and Dean behind him.

Lucifer crashed in, covered in blood from the other gods he'd already ripped apart. He set his eyes on Samandriel.

"You're not Castiel."

"Samandriel. And I was hoping to speak with you."

"Hmm, cheeky." Lucifer said before turning his gaze on Kali. They fought, and to be fair, she did way better than the others, but Lucifer was still about to land the killing blow.

Gabriel hit the car seat after dean left, then ran into the hotel on foot, following Lucifer’s bloody path. When he came into range he pushed Lucifer away from Kali, away from all them, back through the doors and into the conference room. He pulled her up and shoved her towards dean, then beelined for Samandriel.

"You get her and the boys out, do you hear?"

"I'm not leaving you." Samandriel said. It didn't matter. Lucifer let the Winchesters take Kali and run. He was surprised to see Gabriel.

"Gabriel. I had heard you've been slumming it. I hope you didn't catch anything." He made a face and then laughed when Samandriel glared at him, standing by Gabriel's side and refusing to go.

"Are you recruiting now?" Lucifer asked.

"Just finally found someone in the family I liked. What about you Luci? Get your head out of your ass long enough to make a friend?"

“What did you say to me?” Lucifer asked, all amusement dropping from his voice.

“Gabriel, please,” Samandriel said. He focused on Lucifer, someone so much more powerful than him. Samandriel took a deep breath and then continued. “We just want to talk. Nothing about this is correct. There were prophesies, but none of them came true, not as they should have. Gabriel was never called to ring in the end. With how messed up everything it, surely that means that this doesn’t have to end the way it was said. You can stop.” Lucifer turned his gaze on Samandriel and Samandriel stopped, feeling his voice be eaten up by fear.

Gabriel put a hand on Samandriel's shoulder and squeezed before pulling him back behind him "Kid has a point though, doesn't he? You're not in the cage anymore. If you'd just look around, you'd see they're not all that bad." He could follow someone’s lead it was necessary, and he believed that this was it.

"They are broken, flawed, abortions," Lucifer stated with clear, cold precision.

"That father made the same as you or I or anything else. If he did not want them that way, then they would not be as such," Samandriel said in a loud rush. It was a struggle to be able to speak at all. He was trying not to shake all over. Any second this predator would swallow him whole. He was certain.

"You are very impudent."

"I have faith. I have to or I would have to kill myself because nothing makes sense and everything hurts all the time, and some days it takes everything in me just to move at all. And I know you have suffered so much worse… I can’t even imagine it."

“False sympathy will get you nowhere,” Lucifer stated.

“I was kidnapped and drugged by pagans and used for entertainment… I know… it’s not the same. I know it’s not. But I have to believe in something. I’m not strong enough to keep going on otherwise,” Samandriel said, pulling all of his determination.

"If you want to drop this whole fucking apocalypse thing, I'll help you." Gabriel said stepped toward his big brother and tentatively reached out toward him. "You won't be alone again, and we'll make a place for you in our family. Heavens not going to want us back, but I say fuck em. You, me, Samandriel, Cas... we can be a family again"

Lucifer looked absolutely surprised. He had expected an attack, not an offer of home and love. "They will kill us all."

"We will fight then, and protect what we have made for ourselves." Samandriel said. "Please... at least try. Heaven will be so flummoxed if you disappear that you will have time to decide if you want to stay or not. But give us a try."

"Your little angel is very manipulative." Lucifer said to Gabriel.

"He had me around his little finger after day one." Gabriel smiled while Samandriel spluttered. He took another step forward toward Lucifer. "What do you say?"

Lucifer looked between them, the wide eyed hope of Samandriel, who admitted to terrible depression and wanting to die, then at Gabriel who offered him a family and love that he had not been given in so long. It was not perfect, but it was the best he knew he could get. "I accept for now."

Gabriel let out a relieved sigh and his smile turned into a grin. He put his blade away and closed the distance between him and Lucifer, pulling him into a hug. Lucifer was stiff in the hold, unused to physical affection and confused when Samandriel started to cry in relief. Gabriel patted Lucifer's back then turned to Samandriel. He rushed over and picked him up, squeezing him tight.

"You amazing fucking thing. I love you so much. "

Samandriel gripped him and cried. He was exhausted. "I want to go home. Please take us home."

Gabriel kept a hold of Samandriel and turned to Lucifer. "Find Cas, tell him what happened here and ask to stay with him. We'll find you in a little bit."

Gabriel didn't wait for a response, simply flew Samandriel back home. He hadn't packed up house or gotten rid of Chewie, who was bouncing around their ankles, excited for his people to be back home.

"You can't leave Lucifer alone. Go. It's ok. I'll be ok for a minute." Samandriel scooped up Chewie. "I'm sorry I left you." He said to the dog. Then he looked back at Gabriel. "We promised to stay with him and then we left him alone. Please?"

"I paid the Thomas girl to feed him and walk him for us and I was back every week to visit, but I couldn't stay..."

Samandriel nodded. "I love you, Gabriel. I do... and we need to talk. And we need to get our brothers... but I'm weakened after being away from you so long... and I'm tired." He sat down and pet Chewie. It was a lot easier than trying to hold him.

Gabriel knelt in front of him. "Tell me what you want. Should I add a couple of rooms and set up our brothers in them, send them far away, go away myself ... tell me what you want and it’s done."

"No, I want family here. I want to be here with you and them." he looked down at the hand on his knee. "I want a home here. I missed it here."

"I'll be back then, with at least Lucifer. Cas might be a harder sell."

"Alright. I'll be here." Samandriel stood and went to their room to lie down. He groaned, and had to put Chewie down before he could get up. Chewie yapped at his feet, but ran to the bedroom and hopped into bed. That was what Samandriel did, but it took him a lot more time and he was a lot quieter about it.

Lucifer was a little surprised to see Gabriel back so quickly. "That was fast."

"He wants me to bring you home. He wants to make a new home with all of us and he wants to start now. You still willing to come?"

"I... yes, I am." Lucifer reached for Gabriel, glad that he hadn't just been told empty promises. Gabriel flew them to his and Samandriel’s place.

Lucifer looked around the place Gabriel and Samandriel lived. He was confused when he heard a yapping sound. A little dog came running out to inspect Lucifer. He sniffed his legs and then sneezed.

"Sorry about him. He's curious," Gabriel said. He began making a new room for Lucifer, fully furnished with simple things.

When he finished, Gabriel smiled and scooped Chewie up, letting the dog lick his face while he rubbed his head "And he's lonely. Makes for a good combination to make new friends." He offered the dog to Lucifer with a little 'here, take him' gesture

Lucifer accepted the dog. He had no problem with animals, and this one licked his face and barked happily. Samandriel hadn’t quite made to the bed when Chewie ran out. Samandriel had turned and walked to the door frame, which he now clung to, smiling at the little scene. He turned and slipped back into the room, starting to feel like he couldn't breathe.


	9. Chapter 9

Gabriel watched Samandriel disappear into the bedroom and followed, leaving Lucifer with Chewie.

"Samandriel?"

Samandriel crawled into bed and curled up. "Just... go away." Samandriel said weakly.

Gabriel was by his side in an instant. "No. What's wrong Angel? Talk to me."

Samandriel shut the door with a wave of his hand. He glared at Gabriel. "Fine. What isn't wrong? You lied to me. You listened to my most private thoughts. You only stayed at all because of me. I'm so very disappointed in you. I'm so angry and so tired and I just... " He got so angry he couldn't even speak.

Gabriel looked a little ashamed as Samandriel listed off his failures to him. "Disappointed? That's worse than angry." He looked down at the bedspread then back up at Samandriel. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry lied, that I broke your trust, that I disappointed you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I was trying to avoid that, but I just made it worse." He sighed.

"I tried to warn you. I did," he finished very weakly

"And it's so much worse because I know you can be amazing. And not Gabriel you, Loki you... but you let me tell you very personal secrets. Things I wasn't ready to tell yet... and you never would have told me. You'd have let the world burn and never even told me."

He gave Gabriel a hard look "let's not even address how you let me rattle off hours amazing I thought Gabriel was. I sounded so stupid and you just let me do it."

Gabriel looked down, chastised. "I should have told you after Disneyland, I know.... I didn't deserve the things you said about me, and I feel badly to have listened... but I don't regret it. You told Gabriel things about your mental state you never told Loki... "

"That I didn't want to tell Loki. I wasn't ready to tell you what happened to me! I wasn't ready to let you know about how depressed I was! I wasn't ready, and I told you things along the way. But of course you knew already. You took my choice away. It was like being drugged all over again, except worse because it's the person I love the most, and the idol I've always believed in. You took away two of the strongest pillars of support I had and at the same time I found out that father had stopped caring. I had no one, and nothing and the only thing that kept me going was that I didn't want to be like the mess that Castiel and the Winchesters were... and that was it."

Gabriel looked horrified. He had never thought of it like that. He, still to that day, had murder fantasies toward the people to raped Samandriel the first time.... but this was worse. He had almost lost Samandriel to his own sword, and he might as well have been the one to hand him the blade.

He crumpled in on himself and looked down, not able to look at Samandriel. "I'm so, I'm so sorry."

Samandriel didn't want to break Gabriel. He tugged him down onto the bed with him. He squeezed him tight. He spoke quietly but firmly. "I can't forgive you, not yet. I need time to adjust. I need time to think. But I will forgive you one day, because I do love you, and because I do still believe in you... you're my home."

Gabriel buried his head into Samandriel’s chest and pressed in as close as was physically possible. "That's more that I could have ever dreamed of. I love you, and I want to fix this however possible ... You're my home too, and I'm tired of being a runaway."

Samandriel squeezed him so tight. "I missed you. I hate being away from you so much." He still felt awful, but he knew that Gabriel understood why he was angry. And he thought they could work on it together. "Hmm, you think Lucifer has ever taken a nap ever?"

"No," Gabriel snorted. "I don't think it ever even crossed his mind."

Samandriel smiled and pressed a kiss to Gabriel's neck "Go get him. I haven't been in an angel press in a long time." Three was really small for a press, of course. Normally it involved hundreds of angels, cuddling and feeding off each other.

Gabriel nodded and slid of the bed, changing into pajamas as he went. Lucifer was still in the living room with Chewie, who looked very tuckered out. Gabriel picked the dog up the whispered 'cuddles' into its ear. When he put the dog back down again, it bolted for the bedroom. Gabriel smiled after him, then turned to Lucifer.

"Come on. Change into something comfortable."

"I'm perfectly fine." he blinked perplexed. His vessel was falling apart and he was wearing dad jeans. But he had no clue what Gabriel meant anyway.

"Samandriel wants to do an angel press, and I'm not cuddling with you in jeans and a button down. Here.” He snapped a soft, loose tee and loose flannel in Lucifer’s hands. "These will feel better. Promise."

Lucifer changed into what he was offered. He followed Gabriel barefoot into the bedroom. It had been forever since he'd been in an angel press. He looked nervous when he saw Samandriel snuggling the puppy. Samandriel reached out for Lucifer and Lucifer took his hand. A second later he’d dragged Lucifer down next to him. Lucifer let out an ‘oomph’ sound. Samandriel snuggled right into him. Lucifer looked up at Gabriel in confusion and a little bit of fear

Gabriel pursed his lips out contemplating where to lay. He had missed them both so much, but dove down next to Lucifer and pressed in on the other side. He wrapped his arm around Lucifer and loosely took Samandriel’s hand. "He has that affect on me too." Gabriel murmured softly. "Just go with it. He's too good to drag you down, he'll only boost you up."

Samandriel blushed and buried his face in Lucifer's arm. He smiled a little and snuggled closer. He wanted Gabriel next to him, but it was nice to see Lucifer between them. Lucifer still looked confused but he started to relax a little.

"It's been a long time." Lucifer said. Gabriel settled in against Lucifer and nuzzled into his neck. Gabriel flashed Samandriel a smile.

"Just try to relax. It's safe here."

"Yep. Chewie's an amazing guard dog,” Samandriel added. Chewie rolled over onto Lucifer's chest. Lucifer rubbed his head, much more comfortable with the dog than his brothers

Gabriel lifted his arm and gave Chewie a scratch before relaxing further and shutting his eyes. He had his lover and his brother and they were both alive, both safe. Things weren't okay. But they would get better. For now he would nap.


	10. Chapter 10

Samandriel woke first and got up with Chewie to take him out for a walk. When he got home he found Lucifer awake, sitting at the kitchen table looking confused.

“Are you okay?” Samandriel asked carefully. Lucifer flicked his eyes over to him, but didn’t answer.

Gabriel actually did slept for once, and found it weird to wake up to an empty bed. The waking up was always the worst part of falling asleep in his opinion, and he shuffled out into the kitchen to make himself some coffee.

"Morning."

Samandriel beamed at him and went and hoped in his arms and gave him a kiss. He had just missed him so much the past few months. Everything had been so awful for so long.

Gabriel made a little sound and leaned back onto the counter, sleepily returning the kiss. He pulled back and smiled at Samandriel.

"Very good morning. How are you?"

"I love you so much. I can't believe how long I was away. Don't let me go again." he said quietly, gripping Gabriel tightly.

Gabriel ducked his face into Samandriel's neck and nodded. "I love you too. I'll try not to let you go, I'll handcuff you to myself before you go get out the door. How does that sound?"

"Good. Sounds really just right." Samandriel smiled. He felt so much better and he suddenly realized why. His grace was back, fully restored and he looked at Lucifer and realized the damage to his vessel was almost completely gone. He let out a happy gasp and let go of Gabriel to give Lucifer a tight hug.

Gabriel tracked Samandriel to Lucifer, and let smiled when he saw the damage to his vessel was gone mostly. What was left was easily explainable away. "Congrats on the healing bro.” He poured a cup of coffee and dumped a ton of sugar in it. "Angel press at its best."

"It's been a very long time." Lucifer said, stiffly slipping his arms around Samandriel who just snuggled closer like Lucifer wasn't at all tainted by hell when he knew they all felt it. "I'd forgotten about angel press... completely."

Gabriel poured another cup of coffee, making it sweet and milky and took it to Lucifer. He set it down in front of him and then placed a hand in his hair, gently scratching. His tone was sad, but his words diplomatic

"It’s been awhile."

"It's been an eternity." Lucifer took a sip and made a face. "This is awful."

"I don't like it either." Samandriel said. He pulled up a chair so he could sit next to Lucifer. "Gabriel, if I let you make hot chocolate this morning, do you promise not to go crazy?"

Gabriel's fingers twitched and smiled. "I promise to try my hardest."

“Then make hot chocolate for us rebels,” Samandriel said. He wasn’t holding Lucifer, but he rested his hand on top of Lucifer’s. Even blackened by hell, Lucifer’s grace had an amazing thrum to it that Samandriel felt drawn to. He felt little confusion at why Lucifer had been the most favored.

Gabriel bent down and kissed Samandriel’s head as he went by. "You're not a rebel. I'm convinced you are the best and most loyal of all of us." He pulled out the ingredients for a stove top hot cocoa, the proper kind, and started to mix them together.

Samandriel ducked his head and blushed. "You're contractually obligated to say nonsense that because you love me."

"I said it before I loved you too." He looked over his shoulder at Samandriel, seriously. "There is nothing wrong with you. You're perfect.... that last bit was part of the contract. "

Samandriel beamed.

"Alright, that's enough out of you both. You're sickening. The actual question is what do we do now?" Lucifer asked.

"Avoid all family but Cas, and all the pagans, until you figure out what you want."

"That could take a while. But you know they'll come looking for me." Lucifer said.

"True, it will take a while to find us though, if you suppress a little. In the meantime..." Gabriel ladled out mugfulls of hot chocolate and added marshmallows to them, topped with whipped cream. "We have a little time to relax." He gave them each a mug and pulled a chair up beside Samandriel.

It wasn’t perfect. But it was plan for the moment. It meant they’d have a family again. And small though it was, it would be perfect.


End file.
